I am very lucky to live in Canada. Here we have the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, which offers a very broad spectrum of legal protections against discrimination of almost any kind, including race, religion, language, colour, age, sex and mental or physical disability. While not explicitly stated in the original version, charter rights are understood to apply to any group with traits that cannot be changed or should not be reasonably expected to change to get equal rights (such as religion). Sexual orientation is understood to be included in these rights and this has been confirmed by case law since at least 1998. It has the legal force similar to the Bill of Rights in the US - any laws have to respect the charter, otherwise they are ruled unconstitutional. It is because of the charter, at least in part, that same-sex marriage is legal here. Since many rights are reserved for married couples, the supreme court ruled that not allowing civil marriages to a couple based on sexual orientation was a violation of the charter and essentially compelled the government to do something to remedy the situation - the easiest way being to legalize gay marriage. Another important effect of the charter is that it prevents employment discrimination. If an employer does fire you for being gay, you can sue them and it is quite likely that you will win. The charter has been in effect since 1982, with the equality provisions taking force two years later, so I have no knowledge of how things were before these protections were available. This is why I was shocked by the lack of protection in the USA. It is doubly difficult because in many of the states that lack protection, there is also a deep current of hatred and bigotry that runs through the population. I am horrified at the large number of stories of parents who reject their children who come out. I understand that it may be a disappointment to you, maybe even a shock, but your child is the same person he/she always was. And NO, your child did NOT choose this, it just is. That might be the real danger of believing homosexuality to be a choice; parents may see their kid being gay as disrespect.
I also learned that the toughest time to be gay seems to be in high school. I certainly understand why and I know that, even though things are more tolerant here in Canada, I don’t believe it would make it easier for a gay student, as high school students are cruel pretty much anywhere. The only difference is that I would hope the school authorities are more likely to respond appropriately when homophobic bullying is brought to their attention. Personally I was not out during high school, and was not even aware of my orientation in a conscious way. High school was still a difficult time for me, since I was not very social and a bit of an outcast. I can only imagine how much worse it would have been to be openly gay as well. I am actually glad that I waited until an older age to come out. I had more confidence and was in a situation where I was more able to control who knows about it. In school, if somebody knows, then everyone knows. At this stage, very few people in my real life know - apart from my parents - and have decided that I will only come out if the topic is broached. Otherwise I don’t think my sexual orientation matters all that much in my relationships with family and friends.
I do not necessarily gear my blog toward a youth audience so I’m not sure if I have any young gay readers, but if I do, I would like to add my voice to the several already voiced and tell you that you are not alone. There are plenty of people out there that do care and will support you. It can really help to talk to someone. Ideally that someone could be your parents; if you don’t feel comfortable telling them just yet, try someone else you trust. It can be a friend, a relative, a teacher or counsellor at school - anyone that you feel comfortable with. I am publishing a few links here - others can be found on the sidebar at Amar’s World.
Give a Damn: http://www.wegiveadamn.org
ChadzBoyz: http://www.chadzboyz.com/chadz - a Canadian-based support site
PFLAG Canada: http://www.pflag.ca - Parents For Lesbians And Gays
For more information on the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms, visit:
http://laws.justice.gc.ca/en/charter/1.html - The Official legal document
http://www.charterofrights.ca - virtual tour of the charter, including explanations and case law
In closing: just yesterday I purchased a book I first heard about over a month ago about being gay and Jewish. I have only started reading it and am already blown away. I will be writing more about this once I have finished reading it, but for now I will simply mention the name, author and that I would highly recommend this book to any of my readers.
Mourning and Celebration: Jewish, Orthodox and Gay Past and Present. By K. David Brody
visit the author’s website at: http://www.MourningAndCelebration.com
***********************************************************
To end this post on a brighter note, I found another link that has nothing to do with today’s topic. It is highly entertaining, especially for writers and those who appreciate writing. Visit and enjoy!
How to Write Good: http://courses.cs.vt.edu/~cs3604/support/Writing/writing.caveats.html
Many times all I can do is shaking my head when I hear about discrimination and hatred in the USA and about all these people that not just tolerate ignorance but even push it. I mostly blame it on the religion, better to say on all these fanatic Christian people in the states. If someone believes in a higher power then its okay for me but many people use religion to fight everything they dislike and don't understand. Another thing is that there is too much freedom of speech in the USA. Freedom of speech ends when someone's opinion is insulting and discriminating others. Over here in Germany one can't say things like 'Gays should burn in hell’ and claim its freedom of speech. Its hatred and you will get a kick in your butt for saying this.
ReplyDeleteThere is another difference I noticed lately. While there is still a lot of discrimination in the USA, tolerance can be found in many places. There are a lot Gay Straight Alliance things in many American schools, I never heard about something like this in a German school. And I really wonder if this is because it's not needed in German schools because everyone is so tolerant? In the town I grew up and in the school I visited 'Gay' was something that seemed to not even exist. It was a topic that was never discussed seriously at any time. I never considered coming out to anyone at school at any time.
It's a special issue with parents. I never understood how parents can be disappointed by their kids in any way, I never understood what gives parents the right to expect anything from their kids, how they do things, how they live their lives. Parents don't have the right to decide or judge about their kids’ lifestyle, their future plans or their sexuality. Parents have the duty to do everything they can to make their kids' life a happy life, whatever that means. But it seems that's just my opinion.
I think it’s a great thing and really needed that people try to help, encourage and support all the struggling people, especially the younger ones, out there and not just the gay ones. It's a shame that people are forced to either hide or come out about their sexuality. One's sexuality is a private thing and no one should be forced to tell the whole world about their sexuality.
It's great that people try to give advice but these advices can't help every single one as they aren't applying each and everyone. For example the advice to 'talk to someone you trust, a family member, a relative, friend, teacher or counsellor'. What if there is no one you can trust? What if there is no one to talk to, what if there is no gay support organisation in your town? What if there is no one who's willing to support you? I know this kind of support can't reach every single one thru the internet, I just wish to find an answer to these questions. Unfortunately, I haven't found an answer yet.
KC, thank you for your input. I really appreciate your comments, as you almost always give me something to think about from a different perspective. That's what I like to encourage here.
ReplyDeleteI would like to add that Canada also does not have absolute free speech. If someone says anything that advocates violence or other criminal acts against an identifiable group it is hate speech and no longer protected; rather it is criminal.
I agree that sexuality is a private thing and nobody else's business unless you wish it to be. It's just that there are so many who want to talk about these things but can not find a sympathetic ear. Like you, I wish to find an answer to your questions and have not found them either. Here's hoping someone can solve this someday.
Hugs,
Evan
Hello Evan. When people say that being gay is a choice, I ask them if they choose to be straight, if they said gee, I get hot and horny over both girls and guys, but I guess I will just stay with women. Because if it is a choice then that means that both sexes attracted you, instead of just one, which would give you ..NO...choice at all.
ReplyDeleteAs for keeping being gay to a limited amount of people and feeling that it is no ones business,, I would like to take it up with you in an email.
Got to go to bed, I am way to tired to think right.
Hugs and best wishes,
Scottie